SactoDan

Humor: Your Duck is Dead

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest. 

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, “I’m sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away.” 

The distressed woman wailed, “Are you sure?” 
“Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead,” replied the 
vet.. 

“How can you be so sure?” she protested. “I mean

you haven’t done any testing on him or anything.

He might just be in a coma or something.” 

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck’s owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. 

The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room. 

The vet looked at the woman and said, “I’m sorry,

but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck.” 

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.. The duck’s owner, still in shock, took the bill. “$150!”

she cried, “$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!”

The vet shrugged, “I’m sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it’s now $150.”

Chris Matthews has lost the Obama Tingly Feeling in his leg

Chris Matthews, Keith Olbermann and Howard Fineman react to President Obama’s Oval Office Address on the oil spill. Here are the highlights of what the trio said:

Olbermann: “It was a great speech if you were on another planet for the last 57 days.”

Matthews compared Obama to Carter.

Olbermann: “Nothing specific at all was said.”

Matthews: “No direction.”

Howard Fineman: “He wasn’t specific enough.”

Olbermann: “I don’t think he aimed low, I don’t think he aimed at all. It’s startling.”

Howard Fineman: Obama should be acting like a “commander-in-chief.”

Matthews: Ludicrous that he keeps saying [Secretary of Energy] Chu has a Nobel prize. “I’ll barf if he does it one more time.”

Matthews: “A lot of meritocracy, a lot of blue ribbon talk.”

Matthews: “I don’t sense executive command.”

Video here.

Justifying taking from others, liberals rationalize theft

I finally got to see Avatar today. The parallel to the experience of native Americans in the 1800’s in America was obvious. Someone wanted what the Na’vi (planet Pandora natives) had and rationalized their right to take it. To make it easier to justify taking the Na’vi’s land they demonized them as savages, then forced them from their homes in an ugly display of aggression.

It got me thinking of the many examples of some people taking the property of others for their own justified reasons and I came to an interesting conclusion. What is the difference between greedy capitalists stealing from Native Americans in the 1800’s and today’s liberals taking from some in the form of taxation and giving it to others? I suppose you could say the capitalists are doing so out of greed, and liberals do so for their version of the greater good. But who contributes more to the greater good? The Capitalists must be delivering a relevant product to succeed. Take an oil company for example. They employ thousands, pay dividends to shareholders, many who are retirees living off the income, and deliver an essential product to millions. That is certainly the greater good.

The liberals for their version of the greater good need no such relevant product. They need the force of government behind them. They simply find a group of people they decide are underserved, decide that said group “deserves” more, take it from those who have it (earned it), and give it away. Either way one person or group of persons self rationalizes that they have a right to some other person or group of person’s property for some reason.

Furthermore, the capitalists are more likely to have paid for it. 

This is really interesting. If you asked about say Wounded Knee or some other really awful example of native Americans being exploited during the migration to the American west, liberals would probably be the first to grab the moral high ground. Yet liberals exhibit willingness to take from some for their version of greater good more than conservatives.

So liberals are continuing the same behavior as witnessed in Avatar, or the American west, where some are demonized to justify taking their property by others.

Is this the America we want?

My Solution To The Gulf Oil Spill

If I were the President, I would declare the Gulf Oil Spill a National Security Emergency and I would arrest the CEO of BP under the Patriot Act. I would hold him in custody until the leak was capped.